She is also, like me, the parent of two small boys. She was kind enough to share her thoughts on balancing an artistic career with the demands of parenthood.
When I was a little girl, I had dreams of becoming many things when I grew up. One of them was becoming a concert pianist: I would be on stage, dressed in all sorts of beautiful dresses, playing the piano for thousands of people.
I started playing the piano in real life when I was five years old and became quite good at a young age. It was my release into a secret world all my own. But the words of my mother throughout my teenage years always came to mind. “How are you going to be a concert pianist and a wife and mother? You won’t, so I think you should think of something else to do.”
But here I am in my thirties, married with two young children at home, and I am living my dream. And not only have I released three successful albums, but I’ve been able to perform onstage in beautiful dresses for thousands of people, walk the red carpet in Hollywood, and win some pretty neat accolades. And through it all, I still take my kids to the park, make them sandwiches for lunch, love them and tuck them into bed at night.
I sometimes look at other professional musician moms and wonder how they do it and keep it all together (because it seems they do a much better job than I do), and then I realize that they are just as human as I am and I feel much better. I have come to accept the fact that I don’t have to be good at every little thing. There was a time when I thought I had to be the perfect pianist, the perfect housewife, as well as the supermom who handcrafted activities every day and made perfect cookies, all the while getting in my hours of practice time, while looking amazing.
I would get so down on myself for not being all of these things! And then a very wise friend told me, “You can be a great mom, and you can be a great musician, but you can’t be great at both 100% of the time.”
She was right.
A more accurate depiction of my life would be that on some days, I am a really excellent mom. I take my kids to the park, we go on picnics, play games, engage in meaningful conversations and are extremely happy. My four-year-old will be up to speed on his alphabet and numbers, and my two-year-old will get lots of snuggles and books read to him. But I probably didn’t do an ounce of music on that day.
On other days, I will get my practicing in, emails done, projects started or mapped out, and my kids probably got to watch way too many movies on Netflix while I tried to get a good solid block of time to compose and orchestrate. I will get caught up on some music projects, be on my computer editing quite a lot, or at the piano. And on days like that, I would say I was probably not the best mom. But I got a lot of music done.
How do I do it?
Well, I have learned to excel at the things I am good at, and not stress over the things at which I’m not perfect.
I have learned to accept that it takes me longer to write music and finish projects now than it did before I had children – and I’m okay with that.
I have learned I can be a good example of hard work to my children, and I try to include them in my practice time and in my concerts as much as I can.
I have learned methods and ways to do things that work for our family. For example, I can practice and compose with my children around (sometimes even sitting at the piano bench with me), but I can’t record or orchestrate with them there (they tend to push buttons they shouldn’t). So my husband and I have formulated our schedules to accommodate uninterrupted “music time” for me each week. I have also learned that sometimes I may need to lose sleep in order to fit in that music time.
I have learned not take on too many projects where my family will suffer, and so I am much more choosy.
I am always making adjustments and learning as I go and yes, there are days when I feel I may go crazy, but this I do know: Music careers come and go, but my family is constant and I always try to put them first priority in my life. And I would say I am a better musician because of them, not in spite of them.
Thanks to Jennifer for sharing her thoughts with us. Be sure and check out her music at her website.